


(Don't) Stop me

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Natasha Is a Good Bro, No Plot/Plotless, POV Alternating, Polyamory, Sam loves it tho, Steve is a little bit of a bad bro, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, a weird amount of referenced sex, and uni because Tony is a genius and in MIT, but that's because he's a sinnamon roll, extra sin, i blame my mom because being in her house has upped my dirty mind game, i'm fucking weird too, that's weird but leave me be ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:44:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9115549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Tony didn’t exactly know how to approach the ‘I don’t mind dating you but I don’t really want to make it a strictly us thing’ because saying that point blank tended to get him slapped.Open minded people, Natasha found, were rare. Usually when she brought up the kind of relationship she preferred she was called a slut or some other nasty reaction but Tony just looked relieved.As usual Bucky doesn't see any of this coming.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is, I just wanted it ok.
> 
> Warnings for referenced child abuse and underage drinking and sex.

Natasha is pretty good at running into some pretty weird situations- like that time with Phil, Clint, and that bathroom everyone has nicknamed ‘Budapest’. But Tony was something of a fluke that happened when she was visiting MIT with Wanda to check out some program she didn’t care about. She just wanted in Wanda’s pants and to be fair she achieved her goal, but Tony was not something she expected. Oh, she knew her way around an arrogant college jackass but Tony had thrown her for a loop because he was actually funny. She knew exactly what he wanted when she say him stop, look at her, look away, and look back again before starting towards her. The double take was telling and she was more than prepared to tell him to fuck off, she’s fifteen or something equally false. She was still technically underage at seventeen though.

But Tony had asked what she was studying, not for her number and that threw her. So she said she was with a friend and she had no interest in doing anything even close to math related if she could help it. No fucking thanks. Tony had gone with that too, asking where her interests were if they weren’t with MIT. She told him she collected swords and had three pet black widows and he asked if she named any of her blades ‘kindness’ because he hated the phrase ‘kill them with kindness’ and wanted to make it a little more literal. And violent. She showed him a picture of the large axe she had named ‘kindness’ for that exact purpose. From there they just _knew_.

*

Tony didn’t exactly know how to approach the ‘I don’t mind dating you but I don’t really want to make it a strictly us thing’ because saying that point blank tended to get him slapped. Rhodey told him he deserved it and Aunt Peggy told him maybe to tone it down a little. The problem was that he had no fucking clue how to bring that up without insulting Natasha because she probably was not as cool as Aunt Peggy and she probably wouldn’t get it. Hell, the first time he said something like that around Aunt Peggy _she_ nearly slapped him until he explained himself. He just didn’t think love was restrictive was all, he felt that if you really cared about a person you wouldn’t force them to stay with only you for the rest of your lives because that’s kind of selfish. What if they want something you don’t? He didn’t think he had a right to tell someone they couldn’t do something with someone else, regardless of what that was, and he sure as hell didn’t want anyone to do that to him.

Aunt Peggy looked a whole lot less like she was going to smack the shit out of him after that. Rhodey and Pepper didn’t really get it but Tony thought that relationship dynamics were all so limited and he didn’t want that. He wanted... he wanted something _bigger_ , something that actually stood a chance against someone else and he’d know it because the person would come back to him. And if they didn’t then fine, they weren’t a good match anyways. But he didn’t know how to tell Natasha that without her killing him with kindness or unleashing her widows on him. The good news was that she ended up bringing it up herself.

*

Open minded people, Natasha found, were rare. Usually when she brought up the kind of relationship she preferred she was called a slut or some other nasty reaction but Tony just looked relieved. “Me too and honestly thank god, people usually slap me when I bring this kind of thing up. Or accuse me of being incapable of loving someone or committing to them,” Tony says.

Natasha nods, “ _right_? I just don’t get how love works for people like that though. I mean I don’t have a problem with monogamy or whatever, I just don’t see why it should be necessary and I don’t really think it applies to me you know? I don’t want to belong to someone else, I want to be me _with_ someone else and elsewhere.”

Tony nods along, eyes wide, “exactly! But people are all ‘if you want more than one person you’re horrible and you don’t love your partner!’ Like yes I do, I just want to be with someone else too. That doesn’t mean I care about other people less. I can have fifty friends and people don’t complain that I love each one less than the last, same with family so why is romance and sex different? Plus people don’t stop being hot because I’m dating someone, that isn’t even how attraction works,” he says, frowning a little like he did when he didn’t quite understand something. It happened a lot and she has grown to understand Tony’s sarcasm and bravado was more to cover the fact that he didn’t ever seem to know what was going on. People sort of took that as him being a leader who marched to his own beat rather than him being a confused teen in an adult’s world. Natasha knew the feeling- everyone who found out about her being from war torn Russia assumed she was also a strong person who marched to her own beat. It wasn’t often that she related to people.

“I am _so_ glad you get it. Usually this ends in people yelling at me and essentially telling me what I want to do with my love life and vagina is causing the world’s problems,” she says. With the exception of Clint and Phil, who kind of got where she was coming from, everyone else seemed… lost. Bruce had done his best to understand when she explained things to him but he couldn’t handle the dynamic and that was okay. He and Betty were good together anyways and she was happy to see him with someone who actually understood him.

“Oh my _god_ , you get that too! The nuclear family and all that, of course we’d want to remain totally devoted to each other and pop out two point five kids, live in a house with a white picket fence and blow our brains out in the garage because we wouldn’t want to ruin the white Berber carpet in the living room. Fuck that, I’m going to do whatever the hell I want and whomever I’m with can do whatever they want too. _That’s_ love,” Tony says, giving his head a nod of finality.

“If you give me an STI I’ll murder you on your mother’s Berber,” she says.

“If you give me an STI I’ll squish your widows,” Tony counters with a grin.

She gasps, “dirty bastard!”

Tony grins, “that’s almost a compliment compared to the kinds of names I’ve been called before.”

*

Bucky didn’t see the redhead coming but damn, he’s only human and she was _hot_ okay? Steve totally judged him for it and okay, maybe they could have avoided the school bathroom but people were terrified of her because no one was willing to rat them out except to Steve. “Okay so you’re a cute little Christian boy, the rest of us want to enjoy ourselves okay?” he says when Steve won’t stop giving him judge-y looks.

“The _bathroom_. That isn’t even sanitary, Bucky, this has nothing to do with God but cleanliness _is_ next to godliness,” Steve says as he stabs a carrot from his crappy school lunch.

“Then I will happily be a dirty atheist,” Bucky says. Steve launches his carrot at him and he doges it, snickering.

“The _bathroom_ Bucky. That is not right and you should apologize for scarring Phil for life,” Steve says earnestly.

He can’t help but laughing though because Phil Coulson had _no right_ to judge Bucky for his school sexcapades. “Oh as if he was scarred for life. I’ll apologize to him right after he apologizes to me for using my car as a shield between Clint giving him a blowie and the rest of the parking lot. I had to wait ten minutes for him to finish,” he mumbles. He never has been able to look Clint in the eye after that.

Steve looks downright horrified and Bucky laughs, “he’s the student body president! I voted for him,” he says, looking at the table with a conflicted look on his face.

“Aww come on Stevie, never thought of a little public sex yourself?” he asks, grinning at his friend.

“Uh, no. Sam and I have standards, thanks,” Steve says in an indignant tone.

“Fine, you stay over there with your standards and no fun and I’ll be over here with my lack of standards and all the fun,” Bucky tells him. Steve kicks him under the table and Bucky yelps just in time for Sam to show up and give him an obviously satisfied smile because he’s an asshole and Bucky’s sworn enemy. The day he and Steve broke up he was going to do a happy dance and rub Wilson’s stupid nose in it.

*

Tony spots the guy toying with one of the display models taking selfies when he decides that this one was just too damn good to pass up. Natasha had ended up taking the plunge on their agreement first so Tony knew that at least she was serious about not caring if he slept with or saw other people. All he cared about was whether the person she slept with was cute or not and given the amount of wink-y faces he got he assumed that was a yes.

“Hey,” Tony says as he approaches the guy. He notes the SI shirt but ignores it because he’s the CEO’s son, as if this guy- Bucky according to the nametag- was going to get fired for Tony’s indiscretions.

Bucky looks him up and down and grins, “hel _lo_ ,” he says, licking his lips. Tony smiles back because yeah, he can totally work with this. Twenty minutes later Howard bursts into the bathroom he and Bucky were currently in and gives him a disgusted look.

“Surprise, I’m not straight!” Tony says in a cheery tone, throwing up a hand that wasn’t currently keeping his balance. Bucky looks down at his shirt and swears under his breath.

“Yeah, you’re fired. Now get out of my son,” Howard says. Tony can’t help but start laughing at that, probably a lot harder than the situation warranted for. Howard at least slams the door shut after making a disgusted noise.

“Steve’s gunna kinkshame the shit out of me,” Bucky mumbles.

“Whatever, fuck Steve, whoever that is. Want my number?” Tony asks because this was an encounter he planned on finishing _without_ Howard ruining everything.

“ _Hell_ yeah,” Bucky says, “think you can get my job back? Because I kind of need it. I swear I don’t usually do this.”

“Usually?” Tony jokes, “no worries, I’ll convince Howard to keep you around.”

*

Okay so Bucky was shit at his job and he knew it but he still kind of needed it. Sam and Steve were tag teaming him with the ‘we’re disappointed in you’ faces though and that was not fair. “It was _one_ time,” he says, “and with _Tony Stark_. Don’t you dare lie to me; you’d both jump him if you had the chance. Seriously, his _eyes_. He doesn’t even wear eyeliner or mascara guys, his eyelashes are just _that_ thick. He’s gorgeous, and I got his number,” Bucky says happily.

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Steve says, little arms crossed over his bony chest, “ _not_ that he got you your job back?”

“I hate my job, I’m there for the money and he knows it. It’s cool. But back to the situation at hand here- _Tony Stark guys_. Those magazines don’t even do him justice.” He didn’t even know people _came_ that attractive minus that redhead earlier in the week. She was also attractive in an otherworldly way and she collected _swords_. She couldn’t get cooler than that. And Tony Stark spoke for himself honestly- all in all this was a damn good week for him and his dick.

“James Buchanan Barnes you are being irresponsible,” Steve reprimands.

“But I’m having fun, so it doesn’t count,” Bucky says.

“Not how it works,” Steve tells him, shaking his head.

*

“Think you’re being hard on him?” Sam asks only to make Steve think he didn’t loathe his best friend with a fiery passion. Bucky ruined his art project in ninth grade and he was never going to forgive him for ruining his wing. To be fair he didn’t think Bucky was forgiving him for plastering his prosthetic arm in Hello Kitty stickers any time soon. He still had a couple of them too and that made Sam irrationally happy.

“No, he’s being irresponsible! He got _fired_ for fucking someone in the bathroom at _work_. He should not be doing that!” Steve says defensively.

“Really, you’re lecturing Bucky about responsibility and cleanliness? That’s a little hypocritical of you baby; we have a far dirtier sex life than Bucky and you are _not_ responsible. Don’t you look at me like that; you almost got into a fight last night over some whistling. I don’t think you should be dolling out the lectures here,” Sam says. Not that he didn’t get an unholy amount of joy from watching Steve give Bucky disappointed looks while telling him how much of a giant disappointment he was. Because he _is_ a giant disappointment.

“First of all it was a cat call, not a whistle and if he wasn’t being disgusting I wouldn’t have said anything. Two, Bucky never ever needs to know about our sex life. He’ll kinkshame me and I am not having that. Plus he needs to shape up; I can at least have my shit together _and_ have a good sex life. Bucky is a walking disaster,” Steve says. Sam has to fight to keep himself from grinning with the amount of happiness he got from Steve’s disappointment in Bucky because he totally is a walking disaster and not even a pretty one contrary to popular belief. Steve was easily the prettier or the two.

“That’s mostly true but enough about Bucky, I’m here to see you, not to council you on your friendship with the one armed sasquatch,” he says.

“Bucky isn’t a sasquatch,” Steve mumbles but he comes closer until Sam pulls him into his lap, grinning and Steve falls into him like he was meant to be there. Because he was absolutely meant to be there. Now all he had to do was get rid of Bucky and his perfect life would be complete.

*

Bucky has always been a bit of a social butterfly so his showing up at a party wasn’t unusual, but seeing that redhead in Tony Stark’s lap looking pretty damn comfortable was new. He panics when the redhead looks over and books it to find Steve, who ends up being in a closet making out with Sam, and drags him off. “Fuck you Barnes!” Sam yells after him as he drags Steve off.

“Sit on a cactus and rotate, Wilson!” Bucky yells back, attracting the attention of the other Wilson but Wade quickly realizes Bucky wasn’t talking to him.

“You know if you two just spent some time together you’d stop hating each other and pretending like I don’t notice you two bickering all the time,” Steve slurs out, wobbling a little because he was obviously _wasted_.

“Who the hell let you drink? You aren’t supposed to drink on your medication, Stevie, that does some bad shit!” he says. He was going to _murder_ Wilson when he found him again- he damn well knew Steve wasn’t supposed to drink!

“No one lets me do nothing. I do what I want and hay, weren’t you complaining about me not having any fun? Well I’m having fun now,” Steve yells, pitching forward and almost loosing his balance.

“I mean have a fun sex life, now be an irresponsible shit! You need to eat something and drink some water so you can sober up and go home,” Bucky says, looking around for some sort of kitchen like thing where he could feed something to Steve and walk him home where he could make sure he got to bed safely after drinking some water and an Advil.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Steve mumbles at him, stumbling a step or two back and looking belligerent. Goddamn it, Steve wasn’t exactly in a negotiating mood at the moment.]

“Ugh. Fine, I’ll stay with you until you’re sober and _then_ you’ll want to leave because you hate crowds.” And after that he can find Sam and kick his ass for letting Steve get drunk when he shouldn’t have.

“You like to claim you’re fun but you’re not,” Steve tells him, eyes narrowing into slits.

“You’re drunk Steve, shut up. Who gave you the alcohol?” he asks. Sam obviously, because he’s an asshole but he wanted Steve to confirm it.

“I gave me the alcohol and I like it. Now leave me be so I can be drunk and make out with Sam. I like him and you dragged me away to yell at me about responsibilities and things when you get fired for work bathroom sex like a savage,” Steve mumbles.

“Oh for shit sakes,” Bucky mumbles under his breath. He would have said more but Sam shows up then and Steve’s who damn body lights up with glee. He sighs and accepts that his utopian Sam-free world was not ever going to happen unless he got hit by a bus Regina George style. Maybe he should get a bus…

“Hey baby, lets ditch this asshole and go _back_ to making out,” Sam says, reaching out for Steve, who all but throws himself at Sam. It would have been cute if Bucky wasn’t disgusted by Wilson’s mere presence. He would never forgive him for those Hello Kitty stickers or the time he pretended those oatmeal raisin cookies were chocolate chip cookies. Those damn cookies were the sole reason Bucky now had trust issues.

“Excuse you, Steve you need to stay here so you can sober up and definitely _not_ get any more drunk because you aren’t even supposed to drink,” Bucky says, hands planted on his hips.

Steve gives him an extremely unimpressed look, “no,” he says petulantly and he walks off.

“I didn’t even let him drink if that’s what you think. I showed up and he was already drunk,” Sam slurs at him.

“A if I’m about to believe that!” Bucky says, rolling his eyes.

“Well maybe you don’t know Steve as well as you think you know Steve,” Sam says indignantly.

“I do so know Steve! _You_ don’t know Steve!” Not like Bucky did anyways.

“Then I bet you know _allll_ about that one time in Tesco,” Sam counters, looking pleased with himself when Bucky frowns.

“Sam you were supposed to walk away from Bucky when I did and now I look like a fool coming back to get you,” Steve tells him, pulling on Sam’s sleeve a little.

“What about Tesco?” Bucky asks and when Steve gives him that panicked look that makes him look like a frightened pterodactyl he knows Sam wasn’t even bullshitting him.

“You don’t need to know about Tesco lets go Sam,” Steve says in a rush and Sam lets Steve pull him away, grinning at Bucky over his shoulder because he was the god damn plague personified.

The last thing he expects is to find the original source of his problems behind him eyeing him up. “Trouble in paradise?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow.

“That little blonde sure as hell _looked_ like paradise, who _is_ he?” the redhead asks.

“He’s taken and not by me. So there’s no trouble in paradise,” he says.

The two of them grin, “great, because we have a proposition.”

*

Natasha is from literal royalty, she knew how to handle big houses. Bucky, however, is totally lost on the size of Tony’s foyer, which is adorable and something of an ego booster for Tony. Always an attention whore and a showoff he was, but she liked that about him. It could be fun and Tony was the best at coming up with sassy insults. “Dude, this is _huge_ ,” Bucky says, nearly tripping on his own feet as he stares at the ceiling while walking.

“Just wait till you see his bed,” Natasha says, grinning. Tony snorts at her and shakes his head because subtle she was not, not that he was subtle himself. Maybe if the person he was talking to lacked all basic observation skills.

“Yeah, I hope it’s memory foam,” Bucky says and Tony outright laughs at that.

*

Tony didn’t have many friends so okay, but his mom didn’t need to stop dead in her tracks and stare at Bucky like he was an alien. “Are you… a friend of Tony’s?” she asks.

“Do you often get teenage visitors that _aren’t_ friends of Tony’s?” Bucky shoots back, frowning in confusion.

His mom sighs, “you’re a friend of Tony’s. That’s lovely, just leave my vases alone please,” she says and she leaves them be just as Natasha returns with the stray cat Tony fed outside and some chips. The cat looked prepared to hop into the chip back but Natasha wrangles it onto the couch and throws herself down beside Tony.

“So what are we watching? Something horrible and bloody I hope,” she says excitedly. Bucky and Tony make the same grossed out face at the same time and she sighs. “You two just want to suck the joy from life,” she mumbles, “fine, we can watch some Disney princess shit.”

“Mulan?” Tony says excitedly, realizing a tad too late that she was joking. Opps. Bucky looks just as excited though so he feels less like a tit.

“God, you two are fucking hopeless. Whatever, we can watch Mulan but only because Shang is hot,” Natasha says.

“Shang can totally bang me whenever he wants,” Bucky adds, snickering at his rhyme.

“ _Same_ ,” Tony says with meaning.

They both look at Natasha and she sighs, “same.”

Some half way through the movie they all end up in some weird cuddle pile and his mom walks by again, frowning at them when she spots them. Tony raises an eyebrow at her and she eventually shakes her head and sighs, walking away.

“Dibs on telling Howard his kid is into polyamory and open relationships,” Natasha says excitedly.

“Fuck yeah, you can have that,” Bucky says, “the one and only time I will ever look Howard Stark in the eye was the first time I met Tony and we were fucking in the bathroom. Never again.”

Natasha bursts out laughing, “are you serious?” she asks.

“Yeah. Never look a man’s father in the eye when you’re inside him should be on a fortune cookie,” Bucky says in a haunted tone.

“Dude no. New rule, no one can look Howard in the eye if there is sex involved,” Tony says.

“It was one time! I panicked and didn’t know where else to look!” Bucky says in his own defense.

“And what? Forgot his eyes were on his face?” Tony asks.

“No, I thought that would be neutral ground and then realized I made the biggest mistake of my young life and it haunts my dreams sometimes. He looked so dead inside,” Bucky whispers.

“Probably because he just walked in on his kid in the middle of sex,” Natasha says.

“I thought it was the alcoholism but okay,” Tony says and laughs as the other two fall a little silent.

*

The last thing Natasha expected out of her life was two stable boyfriends- at least relationship wise, they were all a mess mentally but they bonded over it. She was rather fond of the arrangement and Bucky, despite never having been in a relationship like theirs or even desiring one, had adjusted pretty well. It helped, she thinks, that she and Tony spoke in pretty blunt and frank terms about what they wanted and expected out of things, and they also spoke pretty bluntly about their various conquests. Bucky had been rather horrified with their interest in Steve and insisted that Sam would so not be impressed but he was cute too. They could work with that.

“No sleeping with my friends except Phil Coulson because I’m curious and he’s experimental,” Bucky says.

“Ohh, Phil is lovely,” she says for Tony’s benefit given that he was in MIT currently. Though his project was something he could work on anywhere so he spent more time home than normal for her benefit. Well, and Bucky now too seems how he agreed to make this a more permanent thing not that they would have minded if it wasn’t a more permanent thing because the one nightstands were also awesome.

“Phil? As in Phil… _Coulson_? Because that’s a no from me, he is off limits because I know some shit about him and I can’t tell you because it’s a matter of national security,” Tony says.

She and Bucky raise an eyebrow at him and he sighs, “fine, he’s been handpicked by a super secret government agency my Aunt Peggy and my father along with a few others founded called SHIELD. _Don’t_ tell anyone I told you that because no one knows they exist and I could be arrested for telling you guys this. Also SHEILD is a bunch of dicks minus my Aunt Peggy, she’s a gift to this world and all should fear her. She’s a wonderful lady though and she’s given me some very good advice,” Tony says very seriously.

“Like what, Stark? Because you’re a walking disaster,” Natasha tells him fondly.

“Well she told me that my father was a cocknugget when I was nine and he hit me so there’s that. Also she beat him with a shoe when she found out he did it again. And she somehow locked him out of his own lab. Seriously, Aunt Peggy is a _badass_. Oh, and when I was fourteen she sat me down and explained women so that was nice,” Tony says.

Natasha and Bucky exchange a look and silently decide to ignore Tony’s earlier admission in favor of focusing on the last but of his statement. “And how did she explain women?” Natasha asks, curious because Tony was actually good with women and not in a creepy pick up artist way.

“She sat me down all serious-like and said ‘Tony, it may come as a shock to you but women are people. They aren’t complicated, or crazy, or unpredictable, or overemotional, they’re complicated human beings and they act as such. The sooner you realize that women aren’t caricatures who act in three set ways the sooner you realize women are only complicated because most men are too stupid to figure that out. But you’re a genius so I have faith that you will realize that women are people’. Then she gave me a far too detailed lesson on how to work a condom that I’ve blocked out of my memory because it scarred me for life,” he says, wrinkling his nose.

“Solid advice,” Natasha says.

“It was. Everyone else in MIT was wondering how the hell a fifteen year old kid could pick up women better than them but I was better at it literally because I started a conversation and didn’t expect anything from it. Women basically threw themselves at me after that and hey, I’m not going to be picky about it. Well, _now_ , I figured no one would be happy if they figured out they slept with a fifteen year old unknowingly so I mostly stuck to high school parties if I actually wanted sex out of it but still. Turns out Aunt Peggy’s advice was legit and that’s when I realized that she is never wrong,” Tony says. That was only half true and Natasha knew it, she’s heard a lot about Aunt Peggy and Tony seemed to admire her more than anyone else. His mom was pretty high on his admiration list too, along with Rhodey, Pepper, and his AI JARIVS.

“Your Aunt Peggy was diplomatic about it. My mom told me she’d kick my ass if she ever found out I had mistreated anyone I dated. I wonder how she feels about dating multiples and not really caring about sleeping around…” Bucky says, frowning to himself.

“My parents are dead so they didn’t tell me anything,” Natasha says cheerily. She currently lived with her uncle Ivan and the second she could she was leaving his dusty ass behind to die because she hated him with a passion. He liked to think he could control her actions and what she was going to do with her life but he didn’t have a say in anything. He thought she was set to be some sort of scientist but she was set to be a dancer and she already got accepted to a good dance school so fuck him.

“That’s depressing. Want ice cream?” Bucky asks and this is why she decided to keep him. He _got_ it. Also he’s hot and Tony agreed, primo ass was here to stay.

*

“How the hell did this happen?” Sam asks Steve as Bucky and Tony run from Natasha who had _oh god_ that was a spider and he was not going anywhere near her thanks. Maybe Bucky did deserve this; he was a bad person who deserved a spider lady and a dickhead engineer.

“No clue but they seem happy. Has he stopped trying to figure out about Tesco?” Steve asks.

Sam sighs, “no and I’m sorry I let that one slip,” he says for the millionth time.

Steve gives him an unimpressed look, “you are not. You two hate each other and you think I’m actually so stupid that I didn’t notice. I _did_ by the way and if you two _ever_ use my art brushes in your prank war ever again I’ll skin you both and turn you into a piece I’ll call ‘vengeance’ and I’ll sell you for an obscene amount of money. I won’t even feel guilty for it,” Steve says, arms crossed and eyes narrowed so Sam knows he means business.

“It was one time,” he mumbles.

“One more time than necessary and if it happens again you’ll be skinned. And you have nice skin,” Steve says.

“Yeah okay there Buffalo Bill, that isn’t creepy at all,” Sam says as Clint and Phil show up.

When Phil spots the spider Natasha is carrying he lets out a surprisingly shrill shriek, “sacrifice Stark and run!” he yells as Bucky shoves Tony at Natasha with his freshly made prosthetic arm that Sam was fully planning on defacing with Shrek stickers later. Tony all but flies into Natasha and they topple to the ground.

“Sorry, love you,” Bucky yells as he and Phil run off in the other direction. Clint falls on the ground busting a gut laughing.

“You can’t tell me you love me for the first time after sacrificing me to Natasha’s spiders! That isn’t love, that’s betrayal!” Tony yells after them. “I even _made_ you the arm you pushed me with!”

“It’s a very sexy arm,” Natasha says, nodding in approval.

“You better have that goddamn spider or I’ll lose my shit,” Tony says.

“It wasn’t even a real spider,” Clint says, holding up a small plastic widow, “you people need some better vision.”

“I know a guy named Vision, that count?” Tony mumbles, clearly annoyed.

“Think Bucky will take that prosthetic off later so I can cover it in Shrek stickers?” Sam asks Steve.

He rolls his eyes at Sam just as Clint throws the fake spider at Tony just to watch him flail around, “you leave Bucky’s arm alone. And probably, prosthetics aren’t super comfortable.” Sam grins because he was totally going to cover it with Minions now. Bucky didn’t trust them and he was going to make damn sure his arm was very untrustworthy.


End file.
